Torn World; Comments on 'Homecoming'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a critical comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Non-Member Artist

"Moisture misted from the spongy ground, leaving Kativa feeling a touch unreal, almost as if her mount's heavy feet weren't touching the ground; even the sound of his footfalls were muffled in the needle-mold on the forest floor. The falls traced down from a higher ridge to the south. Tolnam and Kativa dismounted, and led their snowies along the rocky bank to the west, towards the viewpoint. The falls were small at this time of year, and the roar of water was not quite deafening." Perhaps you want to reorder the last two sentences here, or add a paragraph break? The sentence about where the falls come from is somewhat abrupt and confusing.

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