Torn World; Comments on 'Railroaded'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a critical comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Holly H.	Okay, a LOT going on there! Twin dilemmas brewing! I liked how the opening scene establishes the city underworld, and also plants the idea that Olarali is in on it, so that it doesn’t come as a big surprise (to us) when someone high up in the Carnal Guild pulls Ressa aside. And at least that whole thing seems plausible, though puzzling to Ressa. It just barely makes sense that they wouldn’t necessarily want her to be celibate for years while holding a Carnal license. But, POOR YEFF! Gosh. It’s very interesting that they haven’t at all tried to cover their tracks with Yeff. He knows that this is all sketchy, and because he knows, he also knows of the very real dangers of trying to refuse or go to the authorities. If they could murder a couple of senior railcar drivers, then he stands little chance. :( As it is, I’m a bit worried about his eventual fate, since I absolutely gather that Ressa is the bigger fish here, in their way to netting ever larger catches (like Bai). Poor Yeff seems very expendable, in that equation.
Amelia Margetts	Featured in LJ Community's Writing Spotlight 1-8-2013!
PeggyB	I really enjoyed this one and the foreshading it gave. You got me hooked.
Lorna (Comtessa)	The plot thickens indeed! I loved it!

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