Torn World; Comments on 'City of Lights Pt 3; Ithoi'

Please note: These comments are the personal opinons of members, and do not represent any sort of official judgement, even if they are made by people in club management. Everyone deserves respect for their creativity; but if you find a critical comment on one of your works, please don't take it personally. On the other hand, personal attacks are not tolerated and any comment containing them will be deleted as soon as we discover it!

Holly H.

I like how the demise of the great plans for the City of Lights is brought down to the personal level -- for Emeroma, and for Denel, too. It’s good to see Denel being recognized, at least by her colleagues. It’s much harder to tell what is going on with Jerumal! (I really should look for some more stories from his POV.) I’m sensing possible real problems in that relationship, although I’m not sure whether to expect it to come to a head, or to somehow be resolved. I thought it was very telling when he observes that perhaps they shouldn’t do surprises, and Denel remembers that their *marriage* was a surprise -- and that echoed reservations I had myself, and noted in the comment on that story. Even though Jerumal is still, at this time, a bit opaque to me, I get a sense of him though Denel’s viewpoint that makes him seem superficially understandable, at least. It’s nice to see a couple in which the awkward, less communicative role is played by the female half! But Jerumal himself isn’t a bundle of empathy, either.

Uneide

Definitely shows a lot more of the relationship and how strained it has become. Found it hard not to sympathize with Denel and want to kick Jerumal. It will be interesting to work on his character! :D

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